Day 14: Vulnerable

After two weeks of soul-searching, uncontrollable tears, rage, nonstop prayers and a host of millions of emotions it was time, time to share our story. Today I hit the publish button on my first blog post and shared our story on Facebook for the entire world to see. I felt incredibly vulnerable in that moment. As soon as I saw the little orange notification on WordPress signifying the post was live, I stepped away to make another cup of coffee. In that moment while the Keurig made its whirring sound and I waited for my breakfast blend, I questioned myself. Had I done the right thing? What would people think? Would friends or family who didn’t hear the story from me directly be upset? Was I in danger of work colleagues walking on eggshells around me now? Maybe this was a bad idea. I needed a walk. Continue reading “Day 14: Vulnerable”

Day 11: Normal

I woke up this morning feeling normal. I didn’t cry, which I’m pretty sure is the first time that has happened since my miscarriage. I wasn’t sitting around waiting for the other shoe to drop or waiting for things to take a turn for the worse. I honestly felt calm, collected and like an actual human being.

At first this worried me.   Continue reading “Day 11: Normal”

One Word for 365 Days

52-weeks ago I shared my intention for 2016 by posting the below on Instagram.  Instead of making a New Year’s resolution, I adopted a word to guide my year. I chose the word balance for 2016 because I tended to be the type of person who had tunnel vision. If I was going to be a good wife, I thought I had to focus on that 100%. If I was going to have a successful career, I felt that I needed to work 85-hours a week. I was wavering on whether or not I wanted to be a mom because I had no idea how to do that. I had a hard time balancing all of the things that were important in my life, so I forced myself to figure that out. If I was grading myself for my performance in 2016, I earned a solid B.

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2016 was a hell of a year. It’s a year that rocked me to my core. But in the end it deepened my friendships, strengthened my marriage and solidified my faith.

Continue reading “One Word for 365 Days”

The Silent Struggle

img_1026I’m sharing my story because when I experienced this heartache my first emotion was a sense of feeling empty and very alone.  I never anticipated things turning out this way and I couldn’t see the light at the end of the tunnel.

I experienced what is medically referred to as a “missed miscarriage” or a “silent miscarriage” during the 11th week of my pregnancy.  It means that the baby passed before I had any symptoms of a miscarriage.

I’m not sharing my story for sympathy or to hear words that should make me feel better.  I want other people in similar situations to have a place to turn without having to feel gun-shy or worried about bringing up their story.  This wasn’t anything to be ashamed of and neither were my feelings. Continue reading “The Silent Struggle”