It has been entirely too long since I’ve published a blog post. I have at least 60 written posts but I haven’t felt like any of them are ready to be shared. Frankly, they’re depressing. I’ve been trying to plug positives into them and to find a way to share the silver lining, but I’ve been struggling. I mean REALLY struggling. I’m not sleeping, still. It either takes me hours to fall asleep and then I get maybe two hours in or I fall fast asleep at 9pm and am wide awake by 3am.
But that’s not the purpose of this post. I told myself today that I had to publish something. Even if it wasn’t perfect. Even if it didn’t follow my prescribed order. Continue reading “The Lenten Positive Acts Challenge”
After two weeks of soul-searching, uncontrollable tears, rage, nonstop prayers and a host of millions of emotions it was time, time to share our story. Today I hit the publish button on my first blog post and shared our story on Facebook for the entire world to see. I felt incredibly vulnerable in that moment. As soon as I saw the little orange notification on WordPress signifying the post was live, I stepped away to make another cup of coffee. In that moment while the Keurig made its whirring sound and I waited for my breakfast blend, I questioned myself. Had I done the right thing? What would people think? Would friends or family who didn’t hear the story from me directly be upset? Was I in danger of work colleagues walking on eggshells around me now? Maybe this was a bad idea. I needed a walk. Continue reading “Day 14: Vulnerable”
Over the last few days, I began sharing with people the story of my miscarriage. Someone told me that I was going to be okay because I was strong. They said that it must have been hard to go through the miscarriage, but even harder to talk about it and share my story. I was surprised by their perception of me. What was being said was kind, in the most innocent of ways. And I appreciated their words. But their opinion of how I was handling the circumstances and the reality of how I felt were so far removed from one another. Continue reading “Day 13: Fierce Bravery”
I stumbled upon this video twelve days after my miscarriage. Joe Biden is an amazing man so, it’s only fitting to publish this post the week that he was awarded the Presidential Medal of Freedom. To learn about Joe Biden’s life and hear directly from him what it’s like to experience profound loss and grief, but still get back up and go on, it is motivating and uplifting.
Continue reading “Day 12: Brave”
I woke up this morning feeling normal. I didn’t cry, which I’m pretty sure is the first time that has happened since my miscarriage. I wasn’t sitting around waiting for the other shoe to drop or waiting for things to take a turn for the worse. I honestly felt calm, collected and like an actual human being.
At first this worried me. Continue reading “Day 11: Normal”
Did you know that December 25th is very likely not Jesus’ birthday? I don’t mean to trivialize it, but the bible doesn’t name a specific day. There’s no mention of the celebration of Jesus’ nativity in the Gospels or Acts. Certain facts suggest it was likely during a season where the weather was less brutal. We celebrate the birth of Jesus on the 25th of December because it was a time when celebrations surrounding the winter solstice were already occurring across Europe. Piggy backing on those celebrations encouraged the spread of Christianity. If Christmas closely resembled a pagan holiday, then pagans would be more likely to accept it and accept God, so the story goes.
I’m not suggesting that there’s no historical or spiritual significance to Christmas, nor that it shouldn’t be celebrated. However, the significance of the holiday isn’t in the date.
Continue reading “Day 50: The Season of Life”
I don’t know about you, but when I think about closure, I think about moving on, moving past, “getting over it” as some say. I couldn’t fathom how I would ever be able to get over this, though. As I started interacting with more and more women who had been through a similar situation, I couldn’t stop thinking about this concept of moving on. From the outside looking in it appeared that they had moved along. They were gracious with their time and shared stories of their loss and heartache but each one included a sentiment of, “it does get better”. I had a hard time understanding how they got to where they were. How was it that they could talk about their loss and their pain but still have joy in their life? Continue reading “Day 10: Closure”