The Moment of Totality


Photo courtesy of Flashnick Visuals

There have been five times in my life when I remember experiencing an event that filled my heart with unconditional love.

The first was on the day I married Mr. Wonderful.  Surrounded by all of our family and friends we promised to be there for one another no matter what the future held. It changed the way I looked at the world (little did we truly understand the gravity of that statement when we said our vows that day).

The 2nd was during an amazing sunset from the beach in Thailand on the last day of our honeymoon.  We watched the sunset in front of us knowing at that exact moment it was rising on the other side of the world where we lived.  I was amazed that we were so far away from the ones that we love but still connected through a simple daily occurrence that we often take for granted.

The 3rd was in September of 2016 when we discovered we were expecting our first child.  And the 4th again in May of this year when we found out we were pregnant again after so much heartache and loss that seemed to be following us around.  In just a week between sonograms our little one had grown from what looked like a small grain of rice into something more recognizable of a baby with a head and little hands.

And the 5th was yesterday during the total eclipse.  There was something about the way the world stopped all around us.  It was an indescribable experience.  What amazed me the most about it wasn’t the event itself.  It was the love that was created in my heart and the hearts of everyone who witnessed it.  For a few minutes we coexisted regardless of our religious, political, sexual, cultural and social beliefs.  Everyone just lived together and celebrated together. My heart was full of so much love. Just as it was on our wedding day, on our honeymoon during that sunset and those times I saw the babies that we had created.

Yesterday reminded me that this universe is so much bigger than any one of us. We were all meant to coexist.  I realized that, just like the eclipse, this life is fleeting.  Like we experienced with the loss of two children, nothing in this life is guaranteed.  Yes, it’s important to have conviction.  However, sometimes we really should take off our safe viewing glasses and look around. What happened around us during the minutes of totality would have been missed if I had kept those glasses on and only looked up.  When I looked around and saw the views and celebrations that surrounded me, that is when I was humbled.  Maybe we can all find some moments in the days ahead that humble us a little more.

Let’s fill our hearts with love,



The Silent Struggle

img_1026I’m sharing my story because when I experienced this heartache my first emotion was a sense of feeling empty and very alone.  I never anticipated things turning out this way and I couldn’t see the light at the end of the tunnel.

I experienced what is medically referred to as a “missed miscarriage” or a “silent miscarriage” during the 11th week of my pregnancy.  It means that the baby passed before I had any symptoms of a miscarriage.

I’m not sharing my story for sympathy or to hear words that should make me feel better.  I want other people in similar situations to have a place to turn without having to feel gun-shy or worried about bringing up their story.  This wasn’t anything to be ashamed of and neither were my feelings. Continue reading “The Silent Struggle”